From The Director, Kathy Irvin:

March 2007

Family - the immediate and most important community surrounding a child. As a mother, I can easily describe my connection to this group of people. Lately I have been thinking a lot about father. Perhaps this is in response to my father's hovering retirement. The experience of seeing him at church almost daily for 13 years is beyond description. I have also thoroughly enjoyed watching the relationships between my husband and sons. Knowing that I can't begin to really understand the life of father, let me try to put into words what I have observed and experienced. You are loved beyond measure by your children, and your unconditional love is imperative. In many ways you are like God. You are gigantic and powerful and all knowing. And, your choice of words and facial expressions are more important than any other choices in life. Children crave knowledge about what you find important, fun, dangerous, out of bounds. They want to know about you. Where do you go when you get on the train or plane or pull out of the drive? They are watching you all of the time and listen when you least expect it.

Your words and actions towards others provide clues as to how they should treat the people around them. They treat their mother as you treat their mother. Start talking to your little ones now, asking questions now, and not always in an interviewing way but in a way that conveys interest in their opinion. This will create a relationship that finds you welcome on the end of your teenager's bed, late at night, for all kinds of conversation.

My father was beyond busy while I was growing up and yet he was always present. Many mornings we met at the breakfast nook at 6:00. In 8th grade he helped me memorize places in the world for Geography Baseball. In high school we memorized German or quizzed for tests. Looking back, now through the eyes of a mother, I am sure that many mornings the last thing he wanted to do was roll out of bed and meet me at that table, but I never guessed that. We ate most dinners together and to this day my family says the same prayer and ends with a German verse. My oldest son has taught it to his college girlfriend which was a pleasant surprise when they visited this past week-end. I can honestly say that I never felt that he had a plan for my life. He believed in me, period. He often appeared delighted with just me. I was enough! What a gift! I knew where "the line" was yet I don't really remember when he ever verbalized his expectations. I do remember stories of my misbehavior from my early years, and when he said, "I will pull this car over if…" we knew he meant it. He never "preached," but his principles and faith were very clear. Today I "believe" in large part because he "believes." Perhaps his greatest gift to me is that he listened, often without much comment back. He has a way of helping me find my own way. He conveys with his very being a confidence that says, "Everything will be ok."

A tall order, dads? I hope not. I don't think so. Perhaps ask, "What would Jesus do?" I think that is kind of how my dad did it. You can't go too wrong. The greatest joy?

To love and be loved! Start with that.