From The Director, Kathy Irvin:
February 2008
"We always have a tendency to see those things that do not exist and to be blind to the great lessons that are right there before our eyes. "
It isn't too late to make a resolution for 2008. Let's resolve to use our eyes to communicate with our children. That shouldn't be too difficult, right? Easier than staying away from the sugar we have "resolved" to say NO to. Let's expand this resolution a bit. How about using our eyes to express total acceptance of our children? Now that is a bit trickier, isn't it? We have all done some eye-rolling, some glaring. Or at least we can remember some rolling and glaring sent in our directions. I certainly remember sendinga "don't you dare even think about it!" stare towards my two guys.
But seriously, we are probably sending some pretty powerful messages to our children through our eyes. What are our eyes saying? What feelings are they expressing? We probably say more with our eyes than with words. Our mouths can communicate one message while our eyes are telling the truth. Think of all the feelings we have witnessed through the eyes of others; fear, joy, hatred, disappointment, anger, laughter, forgiveness. Most children are pretty good at reading our eyes, in fact they watch for our expressions as much as listen to our words. Haven't you ever had tiny hands placed upon your cheeks? The hands guide our faces so that our eyes are forced to look into theirs. Wow, how fortunate we are that they want us, need our attention, to find moments of connection.
So how do we set the ground work for ongoing, sincere communication? How do we go about reaching in through their eyes and grabbing hold of their hearts? How about looking at them in ways we want to be looked at? Think about how we look at them for love and affirmation, from their eyes. Lots of questions, but really, do any of us make mistakes on purpose so that we can see that "failure expression" looking back at us. We can actually look lovingly at a child even when we are deeply disappointed. We can communicate the seriousness of an issue without a "look" that damages. How important for a tiny one or a teenager to know that we don't save our bright eyes only for successes, conditional love. Unfortunately, we are often not aware of our expressions, the message our eyes are communicating, because the "look" is more about what is going on inside of us and not so much about what my eyes are saying! But, if we shift our view a bit and look through their eyes, my guess is that we will see that they love us unconditionally and with enthusiasm! Can we not learn from them?
At Christmas I stood at the doorways of my sons' bedrooms and watched them sleep. They are 20 and 23. It seems like yesterday, yes yesterday, that I was peeking in to make sure that they were still breathing. Over the years I hope my eyes have conveyed the joy they have brought into my life. When you look in on your sleeping children tonight, resolve to stop, to look, and to love.
"Remember that the first direct route to God is prayer. The second direct route is joy." Paulo Coelho