From The Director, Kathy Irvin:
Anger! It is perhaps the strongest emotion our children display. Screaming, hitting, kicking, grabbing, biting, tears, words, "the look", silence ….You have probably seen it or tried to deal with it in the grocery store or Toys R Us or Target. You name the parent trap. I once left a full cart(no easy decision) and walked out with my arm firmly wrapped around my child, red-faced and nearly in tears. Or perhaps you have sat on an older child's bed and felt helpless as they silently or tearfully lived their anger. They can certainly push our buttons and pull us into that whirlpool of spiraling emotions. How can a child be wonderful and happy one moment and seemingly out of control the next.
Are they really that different from us. Don't we crave control over our lives? I want to know what the plan is most of the time. We certainly want what we want and sometimes want it right now. Friends disappoint us and leave us out of their plans and parties. We sometimes feel manipulated and bossed around. Don't you ever feel so angry that it seems to consume your whole day? We feel unheard or wronged. Ever find yourself muttering, "Life is so unfair!"? Sometimes feeling inadequate makes us feel overwhelmed and angry. Or feeling unloved...
Our children feel all of these things and more, they just can't put words to their feelings most of the time. They rely on us to listen, give them words, understand and hold accountable. Do we think that they actually enjoy being in that angry place? They don't like feeling out of control any more than we do. Sometimes our first reaction is to get angry right back. Our job is to stand on the bank of the river and pull them out not jump in and join them in their anguish. We don't like that out of control feeling that their emotions cause in us. How dare they make us feel embarrassed or inadequate! But, it isn't really about our parenting or about us. We need to remember that this is all new and their feelings are valid. We need to take a deep breath, help them reflect, wait them out, sometimes walk away and come back to listen, hug, and move on. We need to be for them what we wish for ourselves. Someone to listen, to understand, to love no matter the mess we make or the mean things we say. Unfortunately humans often fail us and we don't always get it right in our job of parenting. So what then? God! I sometimes think He gave me my long commute so that I have time to talk to Him. He is there for us. He won't give up on us. He listens. He forgives. He supports us in our most difficult job, parenting, by asking us to love ours like He loves us, unconditionally. And, right when we need it, He turns the grass green and sets the birds to singing to remind us that life is indeed good.