From The Director, Kathy Irvin:
April 2009
I just learned that I am a "vanilla" with a bit of "strawberry." I wanted to be a bit more chocolate, but according to the questionnaire, I have only chocolate sprinkled in my vanilla. My husband returned from a conference with a personality test for me to take. He took it as part of a seminar titled "Valuing Human Diversity: It's a Neopolitan World" from Communication: The Miracle of Dialogue, by George Manning.
We haven't had a chance to chat about our different styles of interpersonal relationships, but I plan on bringing it along on vacation to get his take on his "chocolate/vanilla swirl" personality.
This exercise did get me to thinking about our children, parenting, and marriages. What happens when we marry one flavor, have children with combination flavors, and are a totally different flavor ourselves? Some days the mixture is delicious and on others we don't want to deal with any flavor but our favorite. I will leave the marriage part for you to debate, and stick a toe into parenting.
We all spill out of the womb with personality. Some of us are easy.Some welcomed the advances of adoring strangers. Others hid behind parental legs. According to my parents, I was the first baby born to a minister in my Dad's first church in Blue Earth, Minnesota in 100 years. To my parents' embarrassment, when an excited congregation tried to express its love, I pulled away and rejected all attemps to greet me. Amazing that I grew up to love hanging out with people. But seriously, as parents we all want our children to successfully and politely navigate this world. In some families one child is the cherry on top and the next the whipped cream. Some of us "vanillas" have a "vanilla" child first and our next child might be a "strawberry" and a total enigma. "How could this be my child?"
So how do we parent so that our children can survive in a "Neopolitan" world? First we need to understand that every flavor is delicious, unique, and of value. We need to love that flavor unconditionally, not wishing for a peppermint when we are blessed with rainbow sherbert. Secondly, we must not compare flavors. As we say at AJN at snack time, "we get what we get and we don't get upset." We need to value character and contribution not just achievement and recognition. A child's sense of self should not come from comparison with another. We need to cherish the individual, meet the child where he/she is, love the flavor they bring to this world. So obvious but needs repeating-our children are not smaller versions of us. As we take the time to see them and listen to them, we can help them move into the larger world. What does a "choclate" child need? How can we help a "cookie dough" child? Why do I always butt heads with my "rocky road" girl. From the playground to family life, our children need to learn that life is about variety. We would do well to remember this too. They are watching us. Let us model gratitude and patience for differences. We Chicago types should be good at this. After a long, dark, cold winter, God sends us Spring in all of its beauty. What marvelous bouquet it is. "Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity...It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow." Medodie Beattie